ELYSIAN’s guide to embracing the jolie laide trend in this year’s footwear.
It’s impossible to ignore it, but we tried. We searched for comfortable shoes that aren’t ugly. And pretty shoes that aren’t uncomfortable. But the raw truth is that ugly shoes are IN this summer. We mean U-G-L-Y as in black rubber clogs embellished with spikes and logo pins. Or pink faux-fur platform thongs. Or sneakers in white lace with a wood and rubber sole. Sorting through stacks and stacks of ugly shoes, a strange transformation began to take place. We fell in love. Like a funny-looking puppy who’s so odd that he starts to grow on you until he becomes the cutest puppy of all: we’ve developed an affinity for ugly shoes. And there’s nothing we can do but embrace it. Celebrate the virtue of vileness with us as we count down our 18 ugliest shoes of the season:
Prada Lipstick Patent Leather Pumps
Usually we struggle to keep lipstick off our clothes and accessories (and his collar). But we’ll make an exception for Prada.
Neous Masdevallia Leather and Crochet Mules
You went for a walk on a golf course in a beautiful pair of leather and crochet mules, stepped on a golf ball and things haven’t been the same ever since.
Gucci Elias Velvet Platform Sandal with Feline Head Ornament
Next time someone calls you a cat lady in a disparaging way, show them your Gucci party shoes.
Gucci Peachy Colorblock Pump With Crystal Collar
Multiple Choice Question: A crystal collar looks best on (A.) a kitten (B.) a puppy (C.) a ferret (D.) Gucci Peachy Colorblock Pumps
Gucci Marmont Embellished Mid-heel loafers
Those of us who are old enough to have lived through our country’s bicentennial can attest that everyone was wearing red, white and blue patent leather shoes that year. For those who do not remember the bicentennial: it was in 1976.
Gucci Platform Logo Slingbacks
We love a logo print. We love a striped platform. We love a slingback. Put all three together and you have a magnificent case of jolie-laide.
Kendall and Kylie
Wave Platform Sandals
She’s so pretty that she has to wear ugly shoes just to balance things out.
What is more important to you: Love or Beauty? Now you don’t have to choose because both words are printed clearly on your shoes (in Italian).
White lace. Sneaker silhouette. Wooden platform. Saw-toothed rubber outsole. What could possibly go wrong?
$935, neimanmarcus.comGucci Amilna Crystal Platform Loafer
Platform loafers go best with polyester leisure suits. So when it comes to the size of your heels and your lapels: Go big or go home.
We’re pretty sure that if the gladiators in ancient Rome had sandals like these, they would have been able to prevent the fall of the republic.
Sarah Jessica Parker Celine Embellished Sparkle Mary-Jane Pump
Reminds us of a song we used to sing as kids. This little shoe of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Let it shine! Let it shine! Let it shi-iiii-ine!
You can never be too thin or too rich. Or have too many straps on your Mary Jane’s.
Gucci Daisy Invite Stamp Ankle Strap Pump
It’s spelled G-U-C-C-I in case you can’t see the logo plainly stamped all over my shoes.
Tory Burch is known for her tasteful and elegant clothes and accessories. Sometimes even tasteful and elegant need a vacation.
With her very first BIG paycheck, she didn’t buy a house or a car. She bought Gucci Candy Leather Mink Mules.
We’re pretty sure these are the shoes the teenage villain was wearing in that vampire movie. But remember, she was the one who saved the day when she fought off the werewolf with the spikes on her shoes.
Hiking boots and a pair of leather sandals had a torrid affair. But nobody ever expected the union would produce offspring.