The 18 Ugliest Shoes That We Can’t Help But LOVE

ELYSIAN’s guide to embracing the jolie laide trend in this year’s footwear.

It’s impossible to ignore it, but we tried. We searched for comfortable shoes that aren’t ugly. And pretty shoes that aren’t uncomfortable. But the raw truth is that ugly shoes are IN this summer. We mean U-G-L-Y as in black rubber clogs embellished with spikes and logo pins. Or pink faux-fur platform thongs. Or sneakers in white lace with a wood and rubber sole. Sorting through stacks and stacks of ugly shoes, a strange transformation began to take place. We fell in love. Like a funny-looking puppy who’s so odd that he starts to grow on you until he becomes the cutest puppy of all: we’ve developed an affinity for ugly shoes. And there’s nothing we can do but embrace it. Celebrate the virtue of vileness with us as we count down our 18 ugliest shoes of the season:

Prada Lipstick Patent Leather Pumps

Usually we struggle to keep lipstick off our clothes and accessories (and his collar). But we’ll make an exception for Prada.

$690, neimanmarcus.com

Neous Masdevallia Leather and Crochet Mules

You went for a walk on a golf course in a beautiful pair of leather and crochet mules, stepped on a golf ball and things haven’t been the same ever since.

$630, net-a-porter.com

Gucci Elias Velvet Platform Sandal with Feline Head Ornament

Next time someone calls you a cat lady in a disparaging way, show them your Gucci party shoes.

$1,250, neimanmarcus.com

Gucci Peachy Colorblock Pump With Crystal Collar

Multiple Choice Question: A crystal collar looks best on (A.) a kitten (B.) a puppy (C.) a ferret (D.) Gucci Peachy Colorblock Pumps

$1,150, neimanmarcus.com

Gucci Marmont Embellished Mid-heel loafers

Those of us who are old enough to have lived through our country’s bicentennial can attest that everyone was wearing red, white and blue patent leather shoes that year. For those who do not remember the bicentennial: it was in 1976.

$890, bloomingdales.com

Gucci Platform Logo Slingbacks

We love a logo print. We love a striped platform. We love a slingback. Put all three together and you have a magnificent case of jolie-laide.

$940, neimanmarcus.com

Kendall and Kylie
Wave Platform Sandals

She’s so pretty that she has to wear ugly shoes just to balance things out.

$125, bloomingdales.com

Dolce & Gabbana
Amore Bellezza Velvet Ankle Wrap Pumps

What is more important to you: Love or Beauty? Now you don’t have to choose because both words are printed clearly on your shoes (in Italian).

$995, neimanmarcus.com

Stella McCartney
Elysse Lace Platform Wedge Sneaker

White lace. Sneaker silhouette. Wooden platform. Saw-toothed rubber outsole. What could possibly go wrong?

$935, neimanmarcus.comGucci Amilna Crystal Platform Loafer

Platform loafers go best with polyester leisure suits. So when it comes to the size of your heels and your lapels: Go big or go home.

$1,875, neimanmarcus.com

Robert Clergerie Gladiator Platform Pumps

We’re pretty sure that if the gladiators in ancient Rome had sandals like these, they would have been able to prevent the fall of the republic.

$750, bloomingdales.com
Sarah Jessica Parker Celine Embellished Sparkle Mary-Jane Pump

Reminds us of a song we used to sing as kids. This little shoe of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Let it shine! Let it shine! Let it shi-iiii-ine!

$450, neimanmarcus.com


Marion Parke Joni Suede Strappy Mary Jane Sandals

You can never be too thin or too rich. Or have too many straps on your Mary Jane’s.

$525, bloomingdales.com

Gucci Daisy Invite Stamp Ankle Strap Pump

It’s spelled G-U-C-C-I in case you can’t see the logo plainly stamped all over my shoes.

$1,150, neimanmarcus.com

Tory Burch
Pink Faux Fur Scalloped Wedge Slide

Tory Burch is known for her tasteful and elegant clothes and accessories. Sometimes even tasteful and elegant need a vacation.

$168, neimanmarcus.com


Gucci Candy Leather Mink Mules

With her very first BIG paycheck, she didn’t buy a house or a car. She bought Gucci Candy Leather Mink Mules.

$1,150, bloomingdales.com


Balenciaga
Embellished Rubber Platform Clog

We’re pretty sure these are the shoes the teenage villain was wearing in that vampire movie. But remember, she was the one who saved the day when she fought off the werewolf with the spikes on her shoes.

$895, neimanmarcus.com


Chloe River Wedge Sandals

Hiking boots and a pair of leather sandals had a torrid affair. But nobody ever expected the union would produce offspring.

$1,130, net-a-porter.com

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